Chapter 4

RR through my eyes (Chapter 4)
 Myrah was back in her room after tying the kerchief in Rudra's hand. Her heart was still beating erratically. The wound in his hand pained her more - she thought. More so because she knew she was the reason  for the same. She had anticipated a piercing glance, an accusing glance, a tortured look , a let down expression - from Rudra in the break fast table as soon as she announced the wedding in 10 days. And what she got was the tea cup getting shattered on the floor. Myrah took that as an expression of anger than pain. Till she saw the wound. She had seen Rudra picking up the pieces. And now she knew the announcement of the wedding had upset him so much that he had hurt himself.


What does Rudra feel for her ? More importantly what does she, Myrah,  feel for him ? Love ? Romance ? Infatuation ? Friendship ? Attraction ?


Attraction is what she has for Leonardo de Caprio. Infatuation is what she has for Zuckerberg. Friendship is defined by Rohit. Romance and love were the ones which were new to her. She now knows that Rudra defines it. Rudra and Parvathi define it. She has seen the longing Rudra has in his eyes everytime he talks about his wife. The way he adores her, admires her, missed her.


She has heard about people falling in love with the beauty of a person, with the voice of a person, with the intelligence, with the good mind, with the mannerisms, with the jovial nature of others. So is it wrong to fall in love with a man who is capable of intense love ? To fall in love with him for that quality ?


And does love come announced ? Is there a minimum time you should know a person before it is considered acceptable that one can fall in love ? What is that minimum time ? One year ? Two years ? Why is it that she cannot love Rudra in the matter of a few days ? With a father who is so affectionate towards his child ? A husband and lover who cherishes his wife still ? A bodyguard who protected Myrah from the claws of  death ? Not once but twice within a matter of days. An introvert who came forward to extend the hand of friendship to her ? A person who is open in communication and does not hide things from others (except for the similarity she had with Parvathi) ? A good man who still did not shout at her even when she unknowingly told him that she would have committed suicide if she were his wife ?


Is there anybody who can question her love in this world ? Myrah was sure no one can. She has fallen in love with Rudra and that is it. And the bells she used to hear in his proximity was a sign for her that she is doing the right thing.


Yes, the bells she used to hear. They stopped the moment she ran to Rudra, hugged him the way she has never hugged anybody. And then his hands embraced her, making their hearts beat together. And the bells faded and were replaced by the manliness of Rudra, by his warmth, his concern, his reassurance " Kuch Nahi Hoga. Kuch Nahin Hone Doonga" How Myrah wished that time stood still then and there.
It was like homecoming for her. As if she was just waiting all these years to be in his arms. The sense of love engulfing her. She had a vague recollection of feeling the same, feeling that she had run the same way to Rudra - probably in her past life. But she had no time to dwell in the past or future. Just the present - where only Myrah and Rudra existed.


Thus stopped the bells - replaced by the love in her eyes. Waiting like rain to fall on the drought ridden earth of Rudra. On the man who is like a living corpse. Who was just performing the act of living for his son. For the man who experienced passionate love for his wife for a few days before it was snatched from him. Myrah experienced the deep pull towards him. Which could not be explained in words. The strong urge to be his.  To make him his. To love like there isn't another day...

There are many other incidents, feelings, dreams which she could not find an explanation for. Her meeting Dhruv in the market place and feeling an odd affection towards him. Odd because she never liked kids. Ever since she saw a nightmare of a small baby, abandoned and left in a cupboard. The cry of the baby haunted her for months. Her counsellor had tried to explain to her that it could be related to childhood incidents. But Myrah had no memories of her childhood. And for the time period she can remember, her parents were so loving towards her that she was sure there was no issues with her own younger days. Then what did that baby in her nightmare represent ? The nightmare started recurring so frequently leaving her with prolonged headaches that she decided she hated kids. They can be irritating indeed !! Why then did she connect with Dhruv the minute she saw her ? Why is she so caring towards him ? Taking care of his medicines ? Worrying about pillows in his side when he is sleeping ? It is as if she has just slipped into his mother's role ...

(to be continued...)

Chapter 3

RR through my eyes (Chapter 3)
 The hate wedding. The lesser he thinks about it the better. There was never a day in his life when he did not regret it. He would have hurt Paro in a way in which nobody ever would have done. Came in drinking and took those stupid vachans. And one extra added especially for her. That Rudra will never be Paro's !! Nothing can be further from the truth. He has all his life loved only Paro.  Probably from the moment he set his eyes on her. From the moment he looked back at her in the bus. Much later when he rolled with her in the sand. When he saw her face in the mirror. Sometimes it looks as if he has gone through as many incidents in his life which a normal person faces in ten lives. Supersonic speed his life has been.


Coming back to Paro and his love. Rudra's thoughts went like this... I should have kept my mouth shut. Just like the Samaaj Sevak ladies said. He blurts out many things which makes his life difficult later. He had given great lectures to his Bhabhisa about his love for Paro and only Paro. When Bhabhisa brought a girl and her mother home for an alliance. And then he vented out all his anguish to Myrah as well. About how a marriage cannot happen without love. How he can never feel love for Myrah. Even if she takes many births. How she will never be Paro even though she looks like one


Kaash Main Chup Rehta
Kaash Main Ne Woh Video cam Pehle hi Dekha hota
Kaash Myrah ne Dhruv Ko Samjhaaya Na Hota
Kaash...
"Aapke sab Kaash Bekaar, Major Saab" He was reminded of Paro's words. Yeah right - all Kaash has gone down the drain.


How in the world can he walk upto to Myrah now and declare that he wants to marry her ? He can envision the dialogue as below


Rudra: Tum usse shaadi nahi kar sakti ho
Myrah: What, are you serious? Lekin kyun?
Rudra: Woh tumhare liye sahi nahi hai?
Myrah: Seriously dude? What do you mean by that?
Rudra looks away..."Tum usse pyaar nahi karti.."
Myrah: Toh kya hua, dost hai mera... And yes why do you care? Tumhe kya farak padta hai, mein Rohit se shaadi karun ya nahi. Just Chill. Okay ?
Rudra: Myrah tum nahi jaa sakti ho...ruko
Myrah: Let me go Rudra, agar tumhare pass koi jawab nahi hai toh...mujhe shaadi ki tayariya karni hai...And yeah, if you find an answer you can leave a video recording - if you have no guts to say it to me personally.
Rudra: Jawab Hai Mere Paas. Aur Main Darta Nahin Huun. Mein tumhe kisi aur se shaadi karte nahi dekh sakta
Myrah: Lekin kyun Rudra
Rudra: Dhruv Tumhen Bahut Miss Karega. Uske Liye Mujhe Tumse Shaadi Karni Padegi
Myrah: Really ? But I have explained to him and he is fine. What exactly is your problem ?
Rudra: Main Tumhare Bina Jee Nahin Sakta
Myrah shocked: What? Seriously? Woh apne aap se zyada pyaar jo Paro ke liye hai uska kya? .tumhare jaisa aadmi sirf ek baar pyaar kar sakta hai...so just leave me alone...Mein tumhari Paro kabhi nahi bann sakti..Na Banna Chahti Hoon


No. This is not how he wants the conversation to go. How can he stop the wedding without confessing his love to Myrah. He cannot say I love you to her. She is too smart to believe it. And stupid Dhruv has agreed for her to leave !!


And to add to this confusion Samrat and Bhabhisa trying to send him away for a few days. As if he wants to be anywhere else other than with Myrah now. They want Rudra to g away so that he need not see Dhruv's pain. Dhruv's pain ? For the first time in his life he was more worried about his loss and pain and not his son's !!


And he told Bhabhisa that he can handle the situation and he will be here till Myrah gets married. And by saying he will be fine he implicitly made Maithili know that he will not be fine. Dammit.


(To be continued)...

Chapter 2

RR through my eyes (Chapter 2)
 


He was in a real dilemma. Rudra always believed in open communication. To tell what was in his mind - with Paro. Never tried to hide his emotions or thoughts from her. And she was even better. She never allowed fear, shyness or shame or ego to come in between them. Proposed in front of a packed hall to him. Which was definitely a big deal for a village girl. Even when they were on opposite sides she never refrained from telling him off. And Myrah was no different. Myrah was as open in communication as Paro.




Which made it difficult for him. If he confessed seeing her videos and how he could connect her to being Paro - this will definitely put lot of pressure on her. Yesterday when she was in the kitchen trying to learn Indian dishes and when Rohit was out exercising - Rudra sneaked into Myrah's room and collected all the old tapes. He had taken it to the city and got copies made. After keeping the originals back in their place he had gone to his office in the pretext of work and went through a few of the tapes. He could not get more info than what he already had about the dreams. But he could find out about Myrah's recurring head aches and not that frequent fainting. He pulled out the file which his team had put together for Myrah and realized that there is not much info in there except for two contact numbers - her uncle's and her doctor's. Rudra put through a call to the doctor ( in the pretext of Myrah's shock after the kidnapping and its after effect ) and understood that she had to be given heavy sedation for a few months  after she met with an accident during her trip to India a few years back. And that she also undergoes regular counseling sessions. The doctor was worried about the kidnapping and its effect on Myrah. And asked Rudra to keep him informed of any changes in her behavior. " Being her bodyguard I would request you to make sure she is not upset either physically or mentally. With great difficulty we all could pull her through to this state. Once by mistake her hands got burnt while cooking and she started screaming. A type of screaming which a normal person would not have done. From then on we are very careful about keeping her away from physical pain. Am quite upset how her uncle who let her go to India on her own. But Myrah can be difficult and persuasive. So I guess he had to relent. But please take care of her. And call me any time incase of a problem", the counsellor mentioned before saying bye.




Rudra was back home  and still in his thoughts about the day Paro burnt her hands on the stove when he heard Dhruv crying at the top of his voice. Dhruv was upset that Myrah was getting married and leaving. Rudra and Maithili did not know how to handle it. But Myrah was confident that she can. She asked the others to leave her alone with Dhruv so that she can explain. And explain she did. How she just cannot become his mother. That his mother is still around. And she loves him. And Dhruv can still contact Myrah through video messages.




Yes, Rudra thought. Myrah cannot become Dhruv's mother. Because she is Dhruv's mother. And yes, Dhruv's mother is still around. In the form of Myrah. Problem is Rudra is stuck between the devil and the deep sea. He just cannot share this with anybody at home. Neither Dhruv nor Bhabhisa. Bhabhisa is a simple soul. She cannot keep any secret from the people she loves. Neither from Rudra nor from Paro. And now not from Myrah. Last time Bhabhisa had told him about Paro's decision to leave in spite of the promise she made to Paro. And happy he was that Bhabhisa broke the promise. He can still feel the emptiness he felt searching the entire train and the railway station for Paro with no luck. Paro and her promise to Bholenath. Wait a minute !! Is that what all this is about ? Paro breaking her promise to GOD or rather Rudra making her break the promise. Is that why he has to undergo such pain of separation and so much pain of this dilemma now ? Paro asked for Rudra's cure. And was ready to leave him after his hand got cured. But he made her stay back. And asked God for Paro - forever. Did God take her away after he got cured fully ? After he got over his mother's abandonment ? After he became a father ? And is the same GOD now being kind to RUdra and granting him his wish of Paro forever ?




Paro was his strength always. Mental strength. He always was ready to crumble under pressure and she was the one to pull him out. From the darkness in his life. She is present now also but there is no way he can share any of this with her.  Oh GOD. What am I to do ?


OK my mind. Just calm down. First things first. How do I make sure the wedding with the Namoona does not happen ? Where is Myrah by the way ? I have to thank her for sorting out Dhruv's confusion. Rudra finally found her in the backyard. "Thanks Myrah. For making Dhruv understand. What I could not achieve, what Bhabhisa could not achieve in the past few days, you did it so well and so nicely. I will always be indebted to you. " Myrah turned to look at him. Her eyes brimming with tears. "Yes Rudra. You have to be indebted to me. The answer I wanted to give Dhruv was an entirely different one. I had to keep the truth from him for his own good. How could I tell him that his father can never love me even if I take seven more births ? How can I tell him that I do not feel like leaving him and his father ? How can I tell him that I can very well become his mother ? Infact I already consider him to be mine ?"




Teri tareefon ki nazar ne mujhe pukaara
Do kadam paas, aur mein pighal gayi mein pighal gayi
Shayad woh mein hunn 
Do kadam peeche...shayad woh mein hunn nahi
jise dilo jaan se tune chaha (on the one you loved more than life)
Shayad woh mein hunn (Maybe its me)
Shayad woh mein hunn nahi (maybe it isn't me)
Meine kaha... nahi mein kisi aur ki...
Ilzaam hai tujhpar...chura legayi meri nindiya ko teri pyaar!
Rangrasiya...rangrasiya...





It was more than what Rudra could handle. He had to get out before he blurted out something. So he did what he always does. Faked anger at her decision of marriage in 10 days. And started walking away from the place. When she got hold of his hand and noticed the blood. Asked him to shut up. Cleaned his wound and tied it up with a kerchief. Deja vu. What he did to Paro's hand the day after their hate wedding.
 
(To be continued...)